I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize