he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
