remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
