we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
