he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
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