At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
