I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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