dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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