It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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