Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
