distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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