Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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