No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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