I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
babies were throwing up all over the place
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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