how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize