We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
When did we convert life to cartoon?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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