SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Blood and glitter go together right?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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