Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
