Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
