My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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