After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
