YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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