The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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