Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
