I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
