i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
