Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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