how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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