We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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