Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
