if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm always down for nudity.
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