I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize