"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
