She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
