My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
