Taylor Swift is so right about you.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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