True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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