I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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