Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
