at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
