In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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