totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
