His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
