If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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