Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
