I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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