i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
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