If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
