Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
