I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
