Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i wish my penis had a tongue
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
