so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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