I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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