i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
