you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
