I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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