so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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