I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
