Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
