Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
