Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize