he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
