I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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