i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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