i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
