I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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