somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
