wanna go halves on a baby?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
