I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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