I heard we made out
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think people are normalizing furries
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
