That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
