SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize