I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My ass is underappreciated
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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