apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
