if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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