i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
