I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
