You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it wasn't lemon gatorade
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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