Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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