shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize