my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
