Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
