Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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