why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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