Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
