No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
