He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
