As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
