What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
