Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
