He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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