I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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