chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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