A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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