Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
