I am puke
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Come on in and take your pants off
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