So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
