That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
