I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
