Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
