she smelled like a LAN party
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
