You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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