I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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