At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just found puke in my bra..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
