Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
