I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
