I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
