I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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