so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize