Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
