you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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