I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
