I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize