Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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